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Jakob Pettersohn, Ch. 23-24

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The Chronicles of Jakob Pettersohn - Chapter 23

A set of colour bars wavered and gave way to a hand covered in thick grey fur.

"Stop goofing around," said a voice - my brother's.

We had removed the items from our heavy backpacks... a tripod, a microphone and a pair of headphones, which had fitted snugly upon Izak's head.  Delicately, I took out two silver machines, jewel-like in their design, and milled from solid blocks of aluminium.

The first, an Ampex VPR-5 which I had purchased on Earth more than fifty subjective years ago, and which had been lovingly rebuilt at the SAIA Being Technology department a number of times since then.  I had recalibrated it myself that very morning.  The second was a Nagra 4.2 loaded up and ready to roll.

The Nagra was used to record the soundtrack at a higher quality than the linear soundtrack on C-format videotape would allow, although it made editing a little more complex.

I chuckled, remembering how Izak's sensitive nose wrinkled in disgust as I broke the seal on a fresh reel of 1-inch videotape - by contrast I had breathed the scent in with a smile, and reinvigorated, began to lace the tape upon the recorder.

A few moments later there was a cut and I saw myself standing there, composing myself for what I was about to say.

"This morning we are coming to you from the hills of Crow Valley, a strange and beautiful place which is believed to have been created by a deranged Fae.  And it is here, as the year begins to draw to a close, that we can find among the damp leaves, some of Furrae's most appalling fungi.

"Here on this branch, for example," I continued, "is the rare, worm-eating slime mold, which is actually capable of moving around and devouring prey.

"Over there, and I dare not get too close, is the fearsome death-cap mushroom, which, if consumed, kills within hours.  Indeed, the toxin is so poisonous that it can cause sickness at a range of up to six feet.  The only known cure is magical regeneration of the affected organs."

As I spoke, Izak zoomed the camera in upon an otherwise unremarkable-looking white toadstool.

"Even worse than the death-cap is the giant Doom puffball.  If disturbed, it will explode, which can result in serious injury."

Upon the screen, my miniature self picked up a small pebble and threw it at one of the round, white blobs for effect.  The blast knocked me flat and left a green stain upon the screen where the vidicon tube had been overloaded.  The blast had been fearsome - even seeing the replay made me cringe.

Shortly after that, Izak had turned off the camera for about five minutes, giving the smear time to fade, and myself time to recover and unruffle my feathers.

I would also have to remove some choice swearing in the editing suite, although I was sure that the outtakes would be shown around the Academy again and again.
I made a note of the timecode, and then swore again as I remembered that we had left the Nagra running.  That was going to mean re-synchronising the audio and video after the cut.
Ah well, I thought to myself, where would the fun come from if it was perfect every time?

There was a cut as the tape began rolling once again, showing an image of me pausing to sniff the air before donning a pair of night-vision goggles.  Having caught this spectacle on tape, Izak had put on a curious helmet containing its own internal video display, simultaneously plugging it into the recorder's monitor line using his wing-tentacles.  This was taking place behind the camera however and the only visible sign was when he knocked it slightly causing the image to wobble.  We could soon edit that out, though.

"Now this fungus," I added by way of explanation, "is so deadly that we cannot even look at it directly."

As I spoke I searched through the heather until I came across an oddly-shaped rock, which I picked up and held before me.

As the camera zoomed in, it became clear that the rock was in the shape of a large feral brown rat.

"We are looking for the Reaper mushroom, which occurs only in this particular valley.  It is so deadly that if you so much as glance at the mushroom's gills while the moon is visible in the sky, it will immediately turn you to stone - as this poor rat has discovered the hard way.
You can usually locate them from the stone corpses found nearby.

"It is a truly remarkable, and very, very appalling fungus."

So saying, I was striding towards a large stream.  Izak kept the camera steady upon me.  Removing the goggles, I stared intently at the water, and then, with a flash of wing-tentacles and a spray of water, I brought out a small fish.

Replacing the goggles, I had returned to the spot where I had found the rat.  Banishing my tentacles lest their heads also gaze upon it, I cleared back the heather so that Izak could get a good picture of the deadly thing.

Slowly I placed the writhing fish upon the ground under the large mushroom, whereupon it immediately became grey and stopped flopping around.

"Isn't that appalling?  Now, if we look over here... yes...  the grey radshroom.
These are usually found very close to the Reaper mushroom."

Izak handed me a small Geiger-Muller counter.  As I held it over the fish, it began clicking furiously.

"As you can see, the fish, having been transmuted into stone, is now highly radioactive.  But the radshroom absorbs the radioactive energy for food, like so..."

With a stick, I prodded the stone fish closer to the grey mushroom.  As I did so, the Geiger counter began to ease off, and the mushroom slowly began to change colour from grey to green.  Taking the stone fish, I snapped it in two, revealing the now-calcified internal organs and showing them to the camera.

Again there was a cut.  Once we had sufficient footage of the Reaper mushroom and its hideous effects, Izak and I had moved the camera rig bodily to the bank of the stream where I had caught the fish.  

"Finally," I said, standing before the camera with my goggles removed once more, "we will be looking at something slightly less appalling, the Crow Valley song-algae.  Here you can see the algae, on the bark of this fallen tree.  Notice that it grows in distinct clumps.

"Now, the fascinating thing about this algae, is that if it is struck, it will emit a sound.  Each clump will emit a different tone, depending on its age and species.  By finding a log with a variety of different algae, it is possible to play songs on it.  Izak?"

Izak came back from behind the camera tripod, to be relieved by myself, as I donned the headphones and took over recording duty.  On seeing my signal, Izak strode into the centre of the stream, and suddenly exploded into a hedgehog of arms and tentacles, each clutching a small rock taken from the bottom of the stream.

So armed, Izak stood before the log and poked each section of the algae in turn, causing it to squeak.  With a sly grin, he began frantically bashing at the log with all his arms and tentacles, capturing the sound of 'Greensleeves' on the microphone.

This done, he handed the mic back to me as I stood once more before the camera to record the farewell.

"Next week, we are hoping to have an interview with the legendary Crow Valley panther.  From Jakob and Izak, good day."

I froze for a few moments, giving us enough material to fade or cut to the credits.

"...aand cut!" said Izak.  Moments later the screen went grey as the noise suppressor kicked in.

I gazed sightlessly at the test pattern as the tape ended, pondering over which segments to keep and which to edit out.  Suddenly my reverie was interrupted as Ashley knocked and entered the editing room, two pairs of wings protruding from his back and from his head.
Despite the fact that he was part-demon, these wings were coated in the same grey feathers as I was, one of Daryil's changes.

Daryil himself had readily agreed to assist in joining Ashley to our Clan, having experimented with 'cubification himself in the past.  His sole proviso had been that the lynx have the words "by appointment" etched in magical tattoo beneath the clan symbol which now glowed proudly down the side of his chest.

Ashley could easily have concealed this marking, but he was still immensely proud of his newfound 'heritage' and dressed like most of the other male students - flamboyantly and naked to the waist.

"I can lend you a shirt," I said, my conservative dress sense somewhat offended by his insistence on such skimpy attire.

"Ha ha," he replied, rolling his eyes.  "Fa'Lina wanted me to let you know that we're about to bring the fourth generator on stream."

"Ah!  Excellent!  I'll be right over."



One of my first tasks in reconstructing the technological peak of Ha'Khun was to provide a power source.  Hydroelectric power was not practical within the Academy, but there were alternatives.

Wilson would not have been impressed by the means I eventually settled upon - atomic fission.  Nonetheless, it was the most suitable and thinking about it he might even have agreed in the end, since we had no interest in nuclear weapons and as the radshroom aptly demonstrated, magic could even stabilise the radioactive waste through transmutation, rendering it safe.

Having been forced to wait for about four hundred years to hire me as a lecturer, Fa'Lina was extremely disappointed to discover that I was actually pretty useless at it.  Nonetheless, as far as I am aware there was no-one else in Furrae who knew as much about humans and their world, let alone their technology.

Eventually we found a compromise - I wrote course material and did my best to teach my fellow lecturers what I had learned, so that they could teach it themselves and do a better job of communicating it to the students.

Fa'Lina had offered me tenure to pursue my own experiments with technology, but I declined, preferring to remain a freelance agent.  This was how it went in theory anyway - in practice I was pretty much free to do as I pleased, the only real demand being that I was expected to help run the technological infrastructure.

To begin with I worked on direct conversion of magic to electricity, and some of the converters I designed were used to supplement the experimental reactor.  I still preferred hydroelectric though, as the sheer size involved was impressive.  Once you'd seen a giant dam feeding a cathedral-sized hall filled with mighty turbines, anything less seemed pretty feeble by comparison.

My big break had come when I had brought back a 16mm print of an educational nature film shot on Earth.  Fa'Lina had immediately seen the potential and requested that I look into the possibility of filming our own.  'Cubi are good actors, and I was no exception, having put these talents to questionable use during my wicked reign of Ha'Khun.

Perhaps Fa'Lina believed that by making these films I would eventually make a better lecturer, but either way my first attempts had been well-received and I had been commissioned to produce many more - a task I was only too happy to perform.

"I think she wants to talk to you about the computer as well," Ashley added.

Damn...

Chapter 24

Eric worked for a large computer corporation, one of the more prodigious names of the 1980s, second only to their big competitor whom they sometimes referred to as 'Inferior But Marketable'.  While their business of selling few larger minicomputers would ultimately run dry as they failed to adapt to the new world of many smaller desktop machines, that time had not yet arrived.

Eric, blissfully unaware of what was to come, worked as a field technician.  Today he had been sent out to see a client in an industrial estate somewhere around Newport.

As he approached it, he noticed a curiously derelict air to the building, although the same could be said for many other buildings in the estate, and there was certainly a light on in the reception.
It didn't seem to be a particularly large office, though... perhaps the number of terminals in the customer database was wrong.  Most likely it had listed the entire organisation's installation rather than just the units in this local branch.

As he parked and entered the building, he was greeted by a rather bored-looking receptionist.  "Mr. Peterson will see you shortly," she said.  "If you'd like to take a seat..."
Eric did so, and his feeling of unease increased as he noticed that the building was quiet and empty.  Very quiet and very empty.

S&I Limited, he thought.  I wonder what they do?

A few moments later the pallid figure of a man strode through the door, and shook his hand warmly.  "Mr. Dalton, I believe?" he said, "follow me, please."
As he led the way, Eric heard a noise and glanced behind him.  Turning back, he saw the receptionist turn off the light and walk to the front door, locking it with a loud 'clunk'.  Oh my God... he thought, but the worst was yet to come.

Turning a corner they entered an empty room.  "Where's the VAX?" asked Eric.
"It's just through here," said Peterson, opening a door into a room so brightly-lit that Eric had to shield his eyes.  He couldn't make out any internal details in the room at all. Turning around, he could see the receptionist following behind them.
"Come along," said Peterson, and the three of them stepped into the room.

There was a very strange sensation, and when Eric opened his eyes again, he saw a corridor decorated in pastel shades.  What the hell? he thought, and turned to look at the room where they had come from.  But it wasn't there.



Peterson led him into the machine room, where a VAX 11/785 stood purring away to itself.  There were a pair of 9-track tape drives, a number of disk packs and he could faintly hear a lineprinter in an adjacent room.
The CPU module had the words "Property of the Succubus and Incubus Academy" etched into it by some curious means that Eric could not immediately determine.

"I should have asked you before," said Peterson.  "But you do know why you're here, right?  A couple of dead terminals, and I'd like the VAX upgraded to two hundred and fifty-six megabytes."

"Uh, yes..." mumbled Eric, "I... I might have to get some of the parts from my van..."

"Damn," said Peterson.  "Ah well.  Check the terminals out first, then."
He gestured to a stack of three VT100 terminals, and Eric, in a desperate bid to take his mind off the strangeness and the horrible notion that they were most likely going to kill him as soon he had finished, forced himself to examine them.

Mr. Peterson stood back, watching what he did with an intent gaze.  It was a curious thing, the circuitry was quite dusty for a machine that couldn't have been more than about six years old.  Indeed, one of the terminals had failed because an electrolytic had dried up, and that usually took more than a decade.
Furthermore, there was an abundance of what appeared to be hairs.  Now that he noticed it there were quite a few of them caught in the tiled carpet floor as well.

"Do you keep dogs in the computer rooms or something?" he asked.  Peterson seemed to be rather taken aback by that question, but he answered almost immediately.  The funny thing was that Eric couldn't quite remember what he actually said, but it made perfect sense at the time.

When the third terminal was dismantled, the door suddenly burst open and a figure entered, with the words "Hey Yakob, where did you put the..." followed by a scream of fear.  No, two screams... Eric and the thing.

It was a tall cat-monster with wings coming out of its head.  It looked at him with an expression of sheer terror, and backed against the wall.

"NO, Ashley!" yelled Peterson.  "Did you not get the memo?  I cordoned this area off to try and prevent this from happening!  Human form ONLY until the upgrade is completed!"

Eric had never believed in demons before, although after his experiences on this callout so far, it made a warped kind of sense.
As he looked back at Mr. Peterson, he suddenly noticed that he had grown a tail.  Peterson looked at him in alarm, and made a curious gesture.  Then everything went dark.



"I'm sorry it had to be like this," I said gently to Eric as he came to.  "I really was hoping we could do everything in human form, like the original installation.  It was for your own comfort, really."

I looked into his mind, feeling his thoughts as his eyes focused upon me, seeing a wolf-like creature with a small pair of wings on its head (my head) and a large pair protruding from my back like some kind of twisted angel - or so it seemed to Eric.  From my voyages into the human realm I knew that the human conception of Angels, Demons and Incubi came with rather different connotations than to someone who had been born and raised in Furrae.

I was wearing in the same kind of clothes that I had worn in my human form, mainly to give Eric something to latch onto.  I had been forced to change the top though, because of my wings.
Behind me, Eric saw the other creature - the one with the lynx ears, was looking down at him worriedly.

"Please excuse me," said Ashley.  "I thought we were going to do this next week.  I have heard of humans, but I've never actually seen one.  They are considered to be a dangerous mythical creature in our world."

"Your world?  Where am I?  And what are you?"

I briefly considered the pro's and con's of erasing his memory, but it was probably too far gone by now.

"'I mean you no harm' has always sounded rather trite to me," I said, "But on this occasion it is true.  And before you ask, no, you are not in Hell.

You are in another plane, upon a world we call 'Furrae', which is lamentably behind yours when it comes to technological matters.
Hence, when I decided that the Being Technology department of our university required a computer system, rather than design my own I opted to purchase one from Digital Research Intergalactic - whom I chose on the grounds that they already had some experience dealing with extraterrestrials."

"That's not us.  We are Digital Equipment Corporation."

"Indeed.  It proved quite a disappointment, not least because they chose their name on a whimsy and not because of their target market.  My appearance in base form at their UK office caused quite a stir and I was forced to erase their memories.  They didn't even sell computer systems of the kind I require, so I came to you instead in the errant belief that your companies were related.

"Nonetheless I am reasonably satisfied with your computer - the sole exception being that more and more students are requiring access to it, and I will need the memory upgraded."



Upon realising that he was in no real danger, Eric resumed the job and soon enough the minicomputer was upgraded as I had intended.  Warning him to leave DEC before 1992, I sent him on his way with a small protection charm as a tip.

All in all, the upgrade went rather well.  There was just one problem.  As a light came on in the security system, I realised that I hadn't closed the link with Earth properly.

Reverting to human form I raced back to the portal, and found three burly newcomers in dark blue clothing.

"You shouldn't be here," I said.  "You're from the future."  They ignored this.

"BSA.  I have come to inspect your software licenses," their leader began.

"Really?" I smiled, "I hope you're good with TOPS-20 and VMS."  He ignored this too.

"Listen," I said, "you are trespassing on private property.  If you really must inspect the computer systems, then I suppose you can - but you do so at your own risk.  Do you understand?" Indeed, no-one would ever find your corpse, I thought and then mentally slapped myself.

"Don't be difficult," he said.  "I can have a warrant for this place at the drop of a hat."

"I'll take it that's a 'yes' then," I said with an air of resignation.  "Come this way..." I led him and his two cohorts into the machine room.

"Where's the..." his voice trailed away as he saw the VAX.  "You use that?"

"Yes.  There is a 9000 series in the, er, next room," I faltered. The 'next room' was actually a hyperrealm I had created.

That installation had been quite a challenge, because we didn't have space for it inside and I couldn't do anything too magical that would upset the human installers.  I had eventually settled on having it installed in a prefabricated building outside and dimensionally transposing it afterwards so that the interior of the shed was connected to the broom cupboard.
The outside of the shed had imploded, and I was not entirely sure what would happen if we drilled too far into the walls of the mainframe room, although the professor of dimensional mechanics assured me it was quite safe.

Sod it, I thought.  If these goons get awkward, hyperdimensional geometry is going to be the least of their worries.

"Enough games.  Where are the Windows machines?" he said in a furious voice.  "Every business has at least one Windows box.  Show me where they are."

"Are you threatening me, human?" I said, with what Eric would have called an angelic smile.  I locked the door and when I turned back to face them, my smile had become what a Being might call an angelic smile - the smile of Johan Cross.

"The DEC engineer thought I was a werewolf," I said, enjoying their confused stares.
"Actually I'm a demon.  An incubus if you want to get technical."

I love theatrics, so as I snapped my fingers the lights went out.  I took a small gold cigarette lighter (inscribed with the name 'Keyser Soze') and lit it, raising it slowly until they could see my face.  A human with head-wings was guaranteed to give me a tasty reaction, and I was not disappointed.

When the lights came back on, I was all fur and teeth and Ashley was standing next to me.  I had cut a hole in my mind-shield so that he could tell what was going on.

"You know, Fa'Lina has been bugging me for years to try and get her a few human specimens," I said to him.  "The problem is that most of the humans we get were invited, and dissecting guests would be downright rude."

"But these humans weren't invited, were they?" he said.  "I think we might have a solution to that problem now."
One of the BSA agents made an almost canine whimpering sound.

"Oh look," I said.  "A portal leading back to Earth has just opened up in that wall!  Perhaps, if we close our eyes and count to ten, the humans will not be here any more and we won't have to take them to the Headmistress who might want to find out whether eating a human's soul is any different."

"Good idea, Jakob," said Ashley, and began counting.

Two subjective days later we received an invoice from DEC and a certificate of compliance from the BSA.
This story is set in the world of Amber Williams' DMFA comic strip, which is itself based loosely upon the online game, Furcadia.

I have tried my utmost to keep it both plausible within the confines of her world while at the same time accessible to people who have not read the comic.

Chapter 23 is taken from the short story that Jakob originally appeared in.
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